Let me tell you about a new project I started. It’s called the Eccentre. Why does my back hurt? Today is fine. It’s been fine, Lord. All dirty is all dirty, so I clean the floor of psychological patches and the contents of the hot hole hell. I don’t know how you feel about technology. It’s always listening to you. It’s always listening to you. I don’t know why. I have nothing worth saying. Do you have anything worth saying? Because I don’t have anything worth saying. I can put on a short play because they’re always watching as well with the camera, with the camera that’s always on, on your computer, unless you cover it with a sticker or a towel. Which is what you should do. Discover it was a sticker or a towel. Or smash it with a hammer. Or take a screwdriver and jam it in there, rustle around and wrestle it right out of them. Put it on the tip of your tongue and then close your mouth and then spit it into the air and then try to catch it like a grape. 

I don’t know why you don’t just do that. But we don’t do that. We do other things. I don’t know why. It doesn’t make sense. I think it’s stupid. 

But I don’t know how you feel about technology and the fact that it’s always listening to you and the fact that it’s always watching you. I could put on a short play or some kind of comedy routine or I could read famous works of literature or I could compose a sonnet or start a rock band or I could dance feverishly all afternoon until I’m tired and sweaty and just soaking wet and then I slept on the tile floor on the hard hard floor and then I fall down and I die. I bang my head open and my skull cracked open in my brain leaks out and I die here on camera for everybody to see because that’s what everybody wants is they want to see somebody died on camera that’s all all those officials are doing. There are giant warehouses full of people all over the world and their only job is to sit and monitor all of the other people in the world. It’s essentially a 50/50 scenario. Half the people in the world work a job where they go to a warehouse everyday for 12 hours a day. They go to this Warehouse, they sit in front of a computer, they get a lunch break, they get a couple 15-minute breaks, maybe three because it’s a 12 hour work shift, but mostly they just sit there. They have to use the restroom on their time not the company’s. Don’t use the restroom on the company dime. No way. Your job is to sit in front of the screen. 

There are millions of people doing this, half the people on Earth. They sit in front of the computer and watch the other half of the world. So what is the other half of the world doing? They do fun silly stuff. They seek to entertain the other half of the world. There are myriad ways to entertain. Often we see dinner to entertain each other. There’s dinner theater for example. There are many ways to entertain: dinner theater, ritualistic ceremonies, voice gear, S2 splays of Hedonism, falling into a coma, pie eating contest, ladder climbing, tree climbing, rogue tree climbing, swimming the English Channel, fevered and hypnotic clapping, poking each other in the ribs, hanging things from rafters, stringing up lights, blowing flower petals into each other’s faces, exploring each other’s nooks and crannies, making do with what given, bad impressions, pretending to be other kinds of animals, playing basketball, giving each other high-fives, punching each other in the stomach, eating ungodly amounts of food, eating pineapples, cutting pineapples open, cutting other things open, building things such as bridges or houses, making different kinds of clothing, shoes or sweaters, taking care of plants with water and sunlight and nutrients, using heavy equipment, playing with little pixels of light, hunting for scars, playing with rocks, or playing with dogs. 

I was thinking about Karma, or saying no comment. We’re having a lot in common. We’re going to the coroner, or becoming a coroner, and sitting on a llama, or being really dramatic, or saying come on Mom, or saying look out there’s the cops, or saying but I didn’t freeze frame that, compartmentalizing, documentary filmmaking, holus-bolus Polish sausage making, thinking about the Athenian polis, examining the schizophrenic logical discourses, having a psychological meltdown, breathing new life into Old forms, digging into your own stomach, picking your nose, and roughing up the neighbor’s best friend. Now you might ask yourself, hey self why do I ask myself questions? 

As I was saying before we got so rudely interrupted by the boogeyman or Santa Claus or whoever just saunters in here willy-nilly I don’t know but you know this is only going to last for so long Buster before it all just Falls, and now for the finale of this beautiful beautiful show. I present to you a complex series of zig zags and me and the likes of which you have never seen before on this great earth green as it is shallow as it is Holy as it is worth our suffering worth our damnation worth it all. 

This my good friends is what I’m talking about: a finale to end all finales: we can always get it right; the right is not always what we get. The left is left on known. Leave it alone! Leave it alone! Park your car over there! Leave it alone! I’ve never been one to exclaim DeMark! I’ve never really known that exclaimed mark quote before there was an apple then there was enough. Beginning quote tumbling tumbling tumbling tumbling down down down down down down down down down down down down down.

Smash smash smash smash your cell phone. 

What is the extent row you know what is it? I’ve traveled a very long way to stand on this stage today, and now I’m looking out at you, all of you, with your eyes and your lips and your voice is hanging above your head, and I realized something just now in the immediacy of this moment, I realized something that I could not have thought of on the train ride over, I realized something now that I could not have thought of while I was practicing this speech in the mirror with a little spoon in my ear that I was pretending to be a microphone, I realized something right here and right now about you fellow citizen, about you and what you’re all about. 

Because that is what the real question is. The question is not: what is the Eccentre? The question is: what are you and are you? Because we could try to answer the question what is the Eccentre. We could try to answer that question. But I don’t think that will get us anywhere. I think that if we are going to travel to these unknown districts through these strange slivers of disrepair and disorganization, then you and I are going to have to work from a different sort of dictionary, we are going to have to work by a different different set of rules, end so to answer questions about one thing we must answer questions about another thing. Say for example: I asked you, why does a chair fly? Now in order to answer that question, you might have to investigate the properties of chairs, and then you might discover the chairs in fact in fact don’t fly, usually, though there are some chairs that do fly, such as chairs on airplanes. but then you ask yourself column the chair on the airplane, is it flying or is it resting inside of a vessel it is flying that is flying? 

Now in order to really know if it shares a thing that flies see, you need to answer a different question. And what question is that? I don’t know. 

In order to answer that question, we must ask a different question. And the answer to that question is also the answer to this question. And I know what that question is. Am I going to tell you? Well that’s a different question but actually it is the same question. Because that is the question the other question was not. And because it was not that question, it is nice that question. This is how it works. You ask one question oh, you ask the second question; you flip those two things excitedly! Be proud of your progress. Now I know what you’re thinking ellipses

Now I know what you’re thinking! I spent good money on these Ted Talk tickets. There’s not even anybody here named Ted. I paid good money to listen to a man named Ted speak about something on a stage walking around in pacing and rubbing his hands together like they do on TV, all the while, he has this device on his head see, this little microphone that hangs or sort of dangles down from around his ear area, down near to where his mouth is, the US picking up his voice and throwing it into the audience. and I am the audience. I sit in the audience. And I taken those voices. 

So this is what I say to you: I am the audience and you you are the speaker. And because I am the audience I know why I came here. I came here to find out what the Eccentre is. But I’m in the audience and so I do not know what the Eccentre is. Only the speaker knows what the Eccentre is. The speaker is a multitude. The audience is a skit as a singularity I’m going to say that again the audience is a singularity. The speaker is a multitude; the audience is a singularity. What does this have to do with the eccentric? Answer that let me answer the question, if I am the audience what sort of questions do I want to ask the speaker? Now of course the answer to that question is the answer to the other question which I’ve already forgotten. So we’re just going to throw that one away. It’s all unimportant. That is one of the main things that the Eccentre is colon unimportant. unimportant. cinderelly cinderelly cinderelly cinderelly. Now I know we’ve been at this for quite some time and it’s not even 4 but it’s going to be 4 in about 3 minutes so we should probably get on the thing but I don’t even know what we’re going to have for dinner. Not sure that this is really the most effective strategy for solving problems. Because it’s turned into just sort of this chaos joke. Nonsense blather. I’m thinking too much about what I’m saying.

Published by Bryan Edenfield

Author, Mistake

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